I have to look outside because inwardly I am a hurting wretch and physically groaning. I have to look and see what is God's picture instead of what is my own. I can't live with myself in the shallow world of emptiness and pain, there has to be more than what I am, something greater than who I am and there must be a God or all esle is just a wasted time and crying shame. I refuse to deny my belief any longer, I have a hope that is bigger an dgreater than I, I have a hope that is out there somewhere waiting for me to go out and see what it is. I can't live in the wasted self centered and hopeless life any longer, in a world of heartache and pain.

God if you are out there, come into my life and speak to me to tell me what it is you know and show me what you want for my life. I really thirst and desire to know what you know. I try in vain with pain and anquish to find out what you have install for me, to know your love and kindness and mercy and blessings, but I am a hopeless wretch of missunderstanding and lost concern for the truth. Your knowledge surpasses all understanding and your truth is eternal, glorious and righteous. I must know what it is, I seem to want to tell God before I die.

This is the hope that we all have and must share with each other, the hope of human understanding and the treasures of the eternal kingdom of God. Come into my heart Lord Jesus I ask in God's name to heal me from my sickness and save me from my sin. I can't live on this earth on my own any longer and I must have you and what you know. I have to look outside the circle of my own self opinionated and self orientated life, God grant me your understanding in this issue I pray. There is more to life than just self pity and humiliation, there is a greater vison with a better horizon just sitting out there waiting for me to discover, a land of hope and opportunity, a place of peace and restoration and a place of rest, wonder and amazement. Give me this hope and vision I ask in The Lord Jesus name, show me this world of endless possibilities and blue horizons, where the rain comes in its seasons and the cows give their milk in abundance.

Where fear and trembling cease and love and mercy is unending. Show me this new world of understanding, take me to this place of peace and perfection, give me endless kindnesses of security and belonging. If there really is a better world than this, show me what and where it is. I have to look outside the narrow minded scope of where I am now. I have to see your heavenly created picture above God where you reign in grace and plenty with unending peace and harmony in rigfhteousness. I have looked inside God and all I see is me, a wanton wretch of self pity and hate. You have the bigger picture out there and I have to go out and see. I am leaving now to do just that, lead me and show me where it is and what you want me to see.